Hmmmm. It would seem that I've hit a rather annoying mindblock. I suddenly and for no particular reason feel the desire to waste time and ignore my schoolwork. Procrastination? Laziness? Why, I'm appaled you would ever allow the words to cross your mind in relation to myself! What a rude affort to my pride and dignity.
...hahaha. Like these shreds even equal something called 'pride' anymore, something so foolishly looked upon with reverence by my surroundings. Pride is overrated. I would much rather wrap a thin cloak of respect around my shoulders than twist my ankle in the little pitfalls of pride that litter the trials I want to hike. Dignity... I remember dignity. I think I used to care about it once, a long time ago when I had reason and will to be dignified. Fuck society's little pet circles and nuances. Fuck society as a whole, and it's petty little grieviances with the way I think, act, and distrust.
"Fuck You And The High Horse You Rode In On, Dumb Fuck."
Okay, so that last bit was just a phrase I found highly amusing as I stumbled upon the wonders of that magical internet entity called the '
HateBall'.
Moving on... Ramen makes for a very unsatisfying dinner. I wish we still had tangerines from our backyard left, or at least some nice Granny Smith or Fuji apples. Hell, some cheesecake would REALLY hit the spot right now... But we have nothing except nameless frozen meats that are bloody and lumpy and freezer-burned, fishes wrapped up in plastic bags, tupperwares filled with sloshy liquids and strange dark objects that 'thump' against the sides when you pick them up, a carton of milk, and lots of canned foods. Oooh... I had forgotten about the canned foods. Maybe I still have minestrone soup left...! Hrm... no more minestrone, so I guess I'm forced to stick to chicken soup with rice.
You know, I always wondered, if I put all of my random musings and thoughts, my stream of consciousness throughout the days and weeks and months and years, into a book and actually got someone to publish it, whether or not they would sell many copies. Rather, if I would really want other people to read some of the things that run through my mind. More often than not, my imagination fabricates these silly or disturbing little fantasies. Products of random deductions or theories of what would happen if certain people died around me, little plays acted out in my mind with myself as one of the lego pieces, just as easily picked up and moved by my mind, the director, but simply left to watch from the little windowframe in my mind. When winter comes, there are pretty decorations in the frost across the panes of glass. I think mayhaps I watched that "Dreamcatcher' film, the one based off of a Stephen King story, one too many times. I saw it once, when in theatres.
I should stop rambling and procrastinaing and just finish my fucking essays.... Should being the operative word. Then again, I usually do what I think I should do, otherwise I might regret not doing it. Perhaps the one thing that has kept me going so stoically is that phrase that is perpetually ingrained into my mind's eye. Never do something you may regret later (because while hindsight is 20/20, it's often much too late to shove the cat back into the burlap sack), and never regreat what you end up doing (for your actions determine your own self, your own self worth, and every nuance that creates your being; learn to accept your choices, because without them, you would not be You).
