.|SWEET|...:White Chocolate Taint:...|SIN|.

+        i understand the fascination, the dream that comes alive at night...        +
________________________________________________________________________________________



3.31.2004

Which Naruto Character are You?
quiz by orangeday.net


BWAHAHA.

:D

.alieu
 


3.28.2004
http://moq.starnium.com/viewquiz9.asp?id=111478

I warn you. It's pretty damn hard, as far as cheesy internet quizzes go. })

And yes Trent, that ":P" person is me, and I took your test, then got bored and decided to make one of my own. :D Wasted about half an hour, so I guess it worked! X3 [heart] Now I'm curious to see if anyone can score above a 60 on this.


.alieu
 


3.27.2004
Kabalarian Philosophy - Merging Eastern Wisdom with Western Practicality: "Brief summary of your name: Alieu


Your name of Alieu gives you a very happy-go-lucky, spontaneous nature. You see the humorous side of many situations and can laugh at yourself as well as at others. This name gives you a musical, artistic nature and you would do well in any occupation in the entertainment field. You have many friends because of your generous, happy nature, but if crossed you have a quick temper, although your annoyance does not last too long. You do enjoy an argument and will at times say things just to get others going and then you sit back and enjoy the debate. You lack system and order and find it very difficult to budget and save money. "
 


3.26.2004
Yay. It's Nick's birthday! He's having a LAN, and Cris is cheering on people playing billiards, so I took over her computer. :D So yeah. Happy birthday to Nick! ::cheers:: And yay for Kangta and HyeSung, cause they've got godly voices. Mmmm...... S rocks. So anyways... Err, kinda bored. Everyone showed up, practically, though! We've got me, Trent, April, Tazer, Kaitlen, Nick (duh), Cris, Maggie, Jay, Brian, Dave, someone from w0 that I don't know, and one of Nick's friends from school, and Nick's family. We're all chillin in his garage. It's kinda cold. Hmm..... So yeah. I should probably like, bust out my english homework and work on it, but I really don't want to. :D I wanna play Billiards. Well, okay, no I don't, but I'm kinda bored. But Kaitlen groped me earlier, so that makes everything better. XDXDXD (j/p) anyhow, waaaaaaaaaaaah, bored plz. I want to go through my CDs of stuff, but I'm sure there's stuff on there Cris wouldn't appreciate me looking at on her computer. XD Well, okay, I'm gonna go get more Coke. Yay! Bai bai.

.alieu
 


3.21.2004
Yay for 404 errors.

:)

,,|,,

.alieu
 


I'm so bored. And confused. And in dire need of mental care. I know that locically the crap I'm putting myself through is stupid and useless, but it doesn't stop me from trying and making an ass of myself and making me feel like shit. I want to rewind back to New Years. For the first time in my life, I really honestly want to GO BACK. I keep thinking, maybe if I handled it differently, maybe if I didn't fuck up, maybe if I wasn't a moron then and let him go... but those thoughts are so utterly useless and pointless becuase I made the decision to do it, and I sealed my fate then. But fuck if I still really miss him. Maybe that's why I'm not interested in guys right now. Because I'm still stuck on him. I'm such a loser. He'd probably laugh at me if he had any idea. I'm sure he's already given up on me, and sometimes I wonder if I was really right to get him into what we had going, because I should have been able to tell he wasn't the kind of person willing to make decisions like myself, and just saved us both a lot of time and emotions if I had just shut the fuck up and not mentioned how head over heels I was with him. NO REGRETS. Fuck this, if I keep screwing myself over like this, I'm going to force myself not to regret my stupid mistakes. I learned something from it, afterall. I learned that my expectations are too much to demand of someone who isn't myself. Becuase apparently, the whole of america suffers from insecurity and paranoia issues.

Blah, I'm going to sleep.


.alieu
 


3.20.2004
Okay. So like, I'm really bored. And stuff. No, really, I'm really bored. So someone's playing arfen house. And it SUCKS. :D Really, it does. I wanna go see Hidalgo. AHHHHHHHHHH. Bad Hawaii lines. NO JOE!!!!!!!! NO FUCKIN JOE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uhhh..... so anyways. I also want to be at home checking my torrents, but I guess that can wait. And I'm sorta hungry, too. Hrm. There's nothing good to eat. 'Cept Top Ramen. BLARGY. So yeah. Oh, and dialup sucks ass. So does AOHell. Rawr. Uhh.... running out of stuff to say. Err-write. Joe's a loser. Oh, and I also want to go see that DnD movie. I wish I could have gone and seen it when it was in theatres. T_T;; Blaaaaaaaaaaaargy. I want to watch that Soccer Practice thing again, but everyone deleted it off their computers! Raaaaar. Bastards. ::shake fist:: Uhhh... okay, I'm gonna go now. Or something. BLAH.

.alieu
 


3.17.2004
/yawn.

OMG. I want to sleep. But I'm procrastinating. So I can't sleep. Rawr. I seem to have a loose tongue tonight. I keep saying all these things that I think normally I really wouldn't talk about. Meh. Whatever.


...I'm gonna go find something to update my profile with. Bai bai.


.alieu
 


TAZER ROCKS!!!1`!!!11@!!`1

...there, happy now?

XD
 


3.16.2004
Satan, you rock.

You rock SO FUCKING HARD.

If I was wearing my hat, it would be off to you.

Really. Next time, sell me tickets first. :)


.alieu
 


3.15.2004
And yay. I guess this means Kiyomi would rather spend time with Krugle in their wonderful van than return my phonecalls. Whatever. At this point, if she doesn't want to spend any time with me before she leaves, I'm not stopping her. "So long, and thanks for all the fish."

I hate it when people totally ditch everyone else for their boy/girlfriends. Its like having someone say, "Hi, your friendship doesn't matter to me anymore because I'd rather be screwing someone's brains out or being screwed. I don't need you anymore."

Well, I'm glad you came to such a startling and worthwhile conclusion. See you at Fanime I guess, if you're still even planning on going. Don't worry, you won't have to put up with me much. That's what cellphones are for, so you can call mine at your convinience.

...me? Bitter? Whatever.


.alieu
 


3.14.2004
Fuck. I thought things were gonna slow down after MidTerms. I guess I was wrong. Kiyomi's moving away, everyone has all this high school drama going on with their relationships, I think someone else is gonna lynch me if I ask out a certain person, and I'm stuck in the same attraction loop problem I had back around Thanksgiving last year. I'm so confused. I thought I could wait. I still do, I suppose. But at the same time, I wonder why I'm waiting for someone who obvoiusly isn't waiting for me. Random teenage fluxuations in emotions means that there's always going to be uncomfortable random surges of hormones to go along with them. Stupid instability. I want to be in a relationship again.

Then there's school. I have my Japanese MidTerm and uber project due either this week or next week, and all of my teachers were like, "Oh, if you think things are going to get easy just because you passed the half way point, think again. You're going to have bookwork every night next week!" ....and I'm like, "FUCK." And then I've got AcaDeca and work afterschool, too. Argh. I'm so screwed.

Whoo. Pervy thoughts regarding that last comment. Err, yeah. I guess that means I should go to sleep. Or something. I need a goddamn SO.

.alieu
 


I wish I had friends who were close enough to me to know when I just really need someone to lean against or nap on. I guess I'm good at distancing myself from people, though. It'd be nice to have someone who understood me like that, nonetheless.
 


I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm going back in the same damn circle that I told myself I wouldn't do again. Everyone else actually learns from their past mistakes, so why the hell can't I?

Err... well, anyways.

The LAN was pretty cool, and I had a lot of fun. There were some dry stretches where I got ungodly bored, but I just doodled in Kaitlen's sketchbook. It was a lot more laid back, which was nice, and the only thing that would have made it better was if I could've gotten a massage. My back hurts again. Meh, what am I saying? My back ALWAYS hurts. I need a personal massuese or something. XD

I was kinda bummed afterwards because Brian suggested going to the movies, and I really wanted to go, but when Dave dropped me off at home my parents said it was already too late. Sometimes it sucks when you're the only person whose parents don't trust you to be out late at night. Well, I guess I should just be grateful I could even go to the LAN. Or something. I dunno, it kind of ends my day on a down note, but I think that might just be myself being selfish.

On a happier note, Dave was being nice, if back to his pervy self again. I guess he.. well, that's probably not my information to tell. Anyways, I gave April the Sixth Day album and collected the money for it, and I also got Coke. Yay! I love CocaCola. [heart] Trent and Cris and April and Tazer were fun to talk to, and Kaitlen was interesting to hang out with too. I Haxxed her sketchbook and drew some random half-fnished chick in it. She looked really lonely. The girl I drew, that is.

Saw Amanda (Ferret) in front of Longs Drugstore while getting headache meds for Oscar, strangely enough, and found out she was meeting up with Rip and some others for a comiking party (Manga and the sorts). Nifty sounding. Talked to her for a bit, and then drove back to the LAN. Oh yes, and Satan has crazy climbing and pain-resistance skills. I bow down. Well, probably not, cause that might be dangerous XD but you get the idea.

Giiiiiiiiiiir, for guy friends with big brother complexes. T_T;;

I want to go see Hidalgo.

My sister offered to take me to see it next week after work sometime... but that doesn't really boost my spirits much cause I kinda really wanted to see it with my friends. I appreciate the effort, though. I know she wants to see it too, so this whole resentment feeling is most likely just tainting everything I think about tonight.

I want someone else in my life, too. Since New Year's, really. I don't know who yet, but damned if I'm not gonna find out. There's got to be more in this town that isn't snooty koreans or guys who've cycled through most of my friends. It's.... wierd, getting involved with someone you're good friends with. Like Kiyomi? I would've asked her out a year ago if we hadn't become such good friends. Well, I guess that really doesn't matter now, though. She's changed so much, and after giving up for those few months, she found out it's harder to fix your mistakes than you think it is. I guess I really don't know her anymore. It makes me sad, because she was one of the few people I really clicked with. The kind of best friend that ends your sentences for you and that you can order food for because you know exactly what they feel like having. Heh. Apparently all of my best friends end up leaving. I must be jinxed.

Blah. I'm gonna stop babbling on about all this depressing crap. Once I graduate highschool, I want to go to school far away from this pathetic town, and hopefully stay away from this sweltering, muggy hellhole permanently. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if the opportunity presents itself.


.alieu
 


3.11.2004
Snowball-Prayer Poem (Calvin and Hobbes Resurrection): The Snowball Prayer
(Homicidal Psycho Jungle Cat)

Oh lovely snowball, packed with care
Smack a head that's unaware.

Then with freezing ice to spare
Melt and soak through underwear.

Fly straight and true, hit hard and square,
This, oh snowball, is my prayer.






Hobbes' Weird Poem (Calvin and Hobbes Resurrection): Hobbes' Wierd Poem

Until you stalk and,
overrun,
You can't devour,
anyone.






A Tiger Poem (Calvin and Hobbes Resurrection): Pooped Tiger

Still and quiet feline form,
In the sun, asleep and warm.
His tail is limp, his whiskers drooped.
Man, what could make this cat so pooped?






Science Fiction Poem (Calvin and Hobbes Resurrection): Science Fiction Story
(The Days Are Just Packed)

The aliens came
From a far distant world
In a large yellow ship
That blinked as it twirled.
It rounded the moon
And entered our sky
We knew they had come
But we didn't know why

Bright the next morning
With noisy commotion,
The ship moved
Out over the ocean.
It lowered a tube
And drained the whole sea
For transport back home
To their galaxy.

The tube then sucked up
The clouds and the air,
Causing no small amount
Of earthling despair.
With nothing to breathe
We started to die
"help us! Please stop!"
Was the public outcry

A hatch opened up
And the aliens said,
"We're sorry to learn
That soon you'll be dead,
But though you may find
This slightly macabre,
We prefer your extinction
To the loss of our job."





~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And of course.... my personal favourites.

Christmas Eve (Calvin and Hobbes Resurrection): Christmas Eve
From: Scientific Progress Goes "Boink"

On window panes, the icy frost
Leaves feathered patterns, crissed & crossed,
But in our house the christmas tree
Is decorated festively
With tiny dots of colored light
That cozy up this winter night.
Christmas songs, familiar, slow,
Play softly on the radio.
Pops and isses from the fire
Whistle with the bells and choir.

My tiger is now fast asleep
On his back and dreaming deep.
When the fire makes him hot,
He turns to warm whatever's not.
Propped against him on the rug,
I give my friend a gentle hug.
Tomorrow's what I'm waiting for,
But I can wait a little more.






Haiku Poem (Calvin and Hobbes Resurrection): Haiku
From: Scientific Progress Goes "Boink"

Twitching tufted tail,
A toasty tawny tummy,
A tired tiger.
 


3.10.2004
AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~

Midterms!

....SAVE ME!!!


^^;;; Okay, so I turned in my essay today (after finishing it in third period and lunch...) and I don't have to worry about it ever again! THANK YOU!!!!! I was getting SO sick of that stupid paper.... Well, anyhow, tomorrow I've got Zimmerman's CP Integrated Science 2 first thing in the morning, and then English with Mr. Fodchuk after lunch/break. And then I go to work as usual. And then I come home and work on my watercolor piece, since I need to finish that by Friday, cause presenting it is part of the Basic Art midterm. On Friday I've got US History with Stringfellow, and then Basic Art with Becker. Blah. Midterms suck.

Uhm.... yeah. So like... I should probably stop slacking off and go work on studying or something remotely constructive.

...

Maybe there's still some ouce kweam left in the freezer........


.alieu
 


3.08.2004
Whooo! So after Wednesday, I'll never have to deal with this stupid essay ever again!!! [heart] I love philosophy and all, but three weeks on one essay grates on my nerves. Well, what little I have left after last wednesday and tonight, anyhow. Ooooh, Paul brought me my new Aya Ueto Album on Sunday, it kicks so much ass! I've been listening to it all day, I love it, except for that one remake of some strange 80s tune... or at least, I think that's what it is. Whatever. Oh yeah, and I'm so glued onto 4chan. Damn you INAN, you made me an addict like you! Now I find myself checking /y/ every twelve hours to see if anyone put in any interesting floods. XD Good for pretty Hentai, Yuri, Yaoi, etc. stuffs, though. The torrent section is nifty. I can't wait for the Uta-whatsit-game to finish d/ling... I wish it wasn't so big though! @.@;;; Ah well...

.alieu
 


Apparently my hopes just center too much around my own feelings that they really won't be materialized ever because I'll have to accept that the rest of the world has different hopes. Crash and burn, hm? I can't do this anymore. I really can't. ...No, I suppose I CAN, I just don't want to. "Steel your sensibilities, so that life will hurt you as little as possible." So spoke Zeno the Stoic. Wise words. Acceptance may not be my idea of a good time, but I'll have to deal with things and move on, or else I'll be run over. It's like those old mario games where the screen moves at a set pace, and if you don't keep up with the screen as it continues along forwards, you die. I wish... I wish for so much. I wish I could just live life the way I want to, and not have to deal with how other people want me to live my life. I wish I could... I wish I could meet the people I want to meet. I wish I could have something major in my life work out at least somewhat happily for once. One major thing. I'm not asking for everything, just something to have right now. Something to keep and something to keep me, something to anchor me. I feel like I'm in a canoe in the middle of the Atlantic, and the only thing I have besides an oar is an unnerving fear whose origin I cannot place of the giant sea creatures and beings underneath my flimsy little bit of wood, waiting for some hideous creature to get bored 60,000 leagues under the surface and decide to put me out of my misery. All I want is an island. I can't cling to school forever like my mother clings to her work. But what else do I have right now?

Post adapted from a much much much longer one at another location. You get the edited version of angst, you lucky fucks, you. Don't mind me. I'm feeling especially bitter tonight. It shall pass. All in due time, and all that bullshit. =D So when is it going to be time for me to be able to do something successfully when it actually fucking counts?
 


3.01.2004
#MTFN's 'Who's Who,' take two.

My geeky friends who, although they may not know it, mean more to me than white chocolate chips. Not quite more than ouce kweam, but hey, they got the white chocolate!

To all you MTFNers: You guys are one... err, well, twenty, in a million. Thanks for keeping me in what everyone thinks is a 'sane' state of mind.


.alieu
 


Well, I did actually get to spend SOME time with Raye this weekend! Yay! I would've liked to have been able to sleep over... but that's alright. Freakman still makes me a bit nervous because he's so... unpredictable... and I still think he's incredibly cute, but we won't go there. He's happy, or so it seems. Besides, he hardly knows me, I'm just that one short girl who's friends with Raye and Lisa. In any case, it was nice to see Raye so happy, her and David are very cute together. That cute sort of thing that makes you want to go, "awwwwwwwwww~" and hug something soft and cuddly. Uhm, yeah. Anyways, I talked to Raye about possibly LARPing with me for the makeshift V:tM Dark Ages LARP I want to put together, and she was interested, so hopefully I can get that started sometime soon. I'm not about to hold my breath, but it'd be nice. =) We watched nearly all of Hellsing (we being myself, Raye, and David) this afternoon, but the David had to go home, and I had to leave too since I wanted to get back in time for Paul to show me how to rip Avex copy-control CDs before he left.

Oooh, I was sooooooooo pissed off earlier. I hate non Avex labels! Well, except for maybe XTC, Nippon Crown, and Pony Canyon. EMI sucks. I bought Minwoo's 'Freestyle' version of Un-Touch-Able and it turned out to be the wrong fucking CD. There was all this 1TYM stuff on it... they're okay I guess, but I didn't pay for 1TYM tracks, and I'm not exactly a big fan of theirs. I want my damn Minwoo songs, FFS! Shows me for trusting the Taiwan branch of any record label besides Avex. POS. -_-;;;

Okay, well, I'm over that now, I guess. Maybe my dad will drive me to the CD place on Florin, they sell Korean CDs. Okay, I should go now.

.alieu
 



You're the one who's always
- choking trojan -
You're the one who's always
- bruised and broken -
Drunk on immorality
Valium and cherry wine
Coke and ecstasy
You're gonna blow your mind...