Apparently my hopes just center too much around my own feelings that they really won't be materialized ever because I'll have to accept that the rest of the world has different hopes. Crash and burn, hm? I can't do this anymore. I really can't. ...No, I suppose I CAN, I just don't want to. "Steel your sensibilities, so that life will hurt you as little as possible." So spoke Zeno the Stoic. Wise words. Acceptance may not be my idea of a good time, but I'll have to deal with things and move on, or else I'll be run over. It's like those old mario games where the screen moves at a set pace, and if you don't keep up with the screen as it continues along forwards, you die. I wish... I wish for so much. I wish I could just live life the way I want to, and not have to deal with how other people want me to live my life. I wish I could... I wish I could meet the people I want to meet. I wish I could have something major in my life work out at least somewhat happily for once. One major thing. I'm not asking for everything, just something to have right now. Something to keep and something to keep me, something to anchor me. I feel like I'm in a canoe in the middle of the Atlantic, and the only thing I have besides an oar is an unnerving fear whose origin I cannot place of the giant sea creatures and beings underneath my flimsy little bit of wood, waiting for some hideous creature to get bored 60,000 leagues under the surface and decide to put me out of my misery. All I want is an island. I can't cling to school forever like my mother clings to her work. But what else do I have right now?

Post adapted from a much much much longer one at another location. You get the edited version of angst, you lucky fucks, you. Don't mind me. I'm feeling especially bitter tonight. It shall pass. All in due time, and all that bullshit. =D So when is it going to be time for me to be able to do something successfully when it actually fucking counts? 
...coffee, republic, and cakes <3 9:58:00 PM