I'm so bored. And confused. And in dire need of mental care. I know that locically the crap I'm putting myself through is stupid and useless, but it doesn't stop me from trying and making an ass of myself and making me feel like shit. I want to rewind back to New Years. For the first time in my life, I really honestly want to GO BACK. I keep thinking, maybe if I handled it differently, maybe if I didn't fuck up, maybe if I wasn't a moron then and let him go... but those thoughts are so utterly useless and pointless becuase I made the decision to do it, and I sealed my fate then. But fuck if I still really miss him. Maybe that's why I'm not interested in guys right now. Because I'm still stuck on him. I'm such a loser. He'd probably laugh at me if he had any idea. I'm sure he's already given up on me, and sometimes I wonder if I was really right to get him into what we had going, because I should have been able to tell he wasn't the kind of person willing to make decisions like myself, and just saved us both a lot of time and emotions if I had just shut the fuck up and not mentioned how head over heels I was with him. NO REGRETS. Fuck this, if I keep screwing myself over like this, I'm going to force myself not to regret my stupid mistakes. I learned something from it, afterall. I learned that my expectations are too much to demand of someone who isn't myself. Becuase apparently, the whole of america suffers from insecurity and paranoia issues.

Blah, I'm going to sleep.


.alieu
 
...coffee, republic, and cakes <3 12:57:00 AM