.|SWEET|...:White Chocolate Taint:...|SIN|.
+ i understand the fascination, the dream that comes alive at night... +
________________________________________________________________________________________
9.24.2004
You are Assahiro Buttamoto! Sexy man, sexy man!
It's all about your perfectly shaped buns. Your
jeans had to be sewn on to you for maximum
tightness. Hey, if you got it, flaunt it!
Which Tak are You?
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9.20.2004
Rainbows.
Saturday was the LAN. Kaitlen's house was perfect, and after feeling useless at my Mural Art class because my art sucks compared to everyone else in the class, I left early around noon, waited half an hour for my mom so we could leave, and then had my wonderful cousin drop me and my computer off at Kaitlen's house. I got there around 1:30-ish, and everyone was already gaming or socializing and the LAN was in full swing. Even Kaitlen was gaming! :: gasp :: April had to leave early, but I was glad she came at all, her mom is nuts, I think it's nice that she sneaked out to come hang out. She's probably got more guts than I do in things like that; I'm too afraid of being caught to actually sneak out of the house without my parents knowing. Mandakins brought Jesse with her, a surprisingly interesting guy from one of her Sierra College classes. He would have been cuter had he relented to pose for the fangirls. And then gave me pictures. But anyways. Watched Please Teach me English, funny as hell, and then gave some freshman the highlight of his little freshman week by watching fanservice-y Mahoromatic episode about hiding porn. Kicked everyone out by 9 except Mandakins, who left soon after, Trent, Tazer, Dave, who also left, Brian, and Michael. Kaitlen wouldn't let us help clean, her dog wouldn't shut up, and Brian's box is way to fscking bright at night. I ended up sleeping on the stairs for most of the night. Poor Brian, I stole his blanket. :/
Morning-time.
"Get up! WAFFLES!!!!"
:: snicker :: Trent and Mike probably hated me by the time I finally shut up. X3 We went to the Waffle Barn, then I went home, stowed my computer and shit, and me and Julia and Paul went to Doug's house where he took over driving and we headed to SF J-town. Ate at that ramen shop again, Suzu's, and I got the good ramen this time. Walked around J-town, I bought lots of books, went to some weird place across the Golden Gate Bridge with tunnels and crap from some world war, and then went back to Doug's place. I slept a lot, and we didn't get to go to the Korean Barbeque place for dinner because it was in J-town and Doug was all... Doug-ish and huffy and still liking Julia but not paying attention to anything we say. ;_;
So we leave Doug bitching about his siter some more at his house, and I'm all bleary from just waking up and stumble into Paul's car. I look out from the backseat and there's this gorgeous bright vibrant ranbow as it starts to drizzle lightly. I mean, this thing is BRIGHT. The red is a gorgeous magenta-cadmium, and to top it off, the rainbow is a fucking DOUBLE ARCH. Two! I couldn't believe it, it was the first time I'd ever seen such a thing. It started drizzling a bit harder, and the drab greys permeating my vision made the rainbow glow all the brighter against my eyes. As we drove, my sister pointed out that you could see the whole thing. All of it. From ground to ground, one great big beautiful unbroken arc. The second arc was fainter, a glimmering that can only be made out in two areas if you look hard.
I say, to no one in particular, but maybe vaugely to my cousin, that "the only bad thing about rainbows is that people standing at the end of one never realize it." He says that it's impossible, and I tell him I know, but from a person's vantage point who is looking at one, there is always someone at the end of the rainbow. I thought to myself, "How many times have you been at the end of a rainbow? What were you doing, saying, feeling, thinking, when you happened to be at the end of a rainbow?" The first rain of the year, the very first we've seen and the first time it's been cool and cloudy and overcast instead of glaringly hot and sweaty and scorching.
Rainbows are melancholy.
So there I sat, the three of us in Paul's beat up Mercedes driving through the rain, watching the vibrant rainbow's second arc disappear, and then the main one begin to dull and all too rapidly fade into the coulds and the grey-orange of the setting sun and clouds. The three of us, all bachelors, and me wondering if I've ever been at the end of a rainbow before. If I'd ever had someone special on the other end of that rainbow. If he hadn't ever been o nt he end of that rainbow, that bridge to me. Maybe that's why it was so brief.
I'd never been so introspective in a non-solitary place before.
If I'd been alone I might have cried.
We drove on through the rain, which eventually stopped. They were indulging my wish, that plea of mine, the desire I've had to go to a restaurant with live jazz, and were taking me to Jazzmens in Sacramento for dinner. After my contemplation and gloom, the thoughtfulness of indulging me such brought a smile that I couldnt' stop to my cheeks. It was there, I could feel the slight tug on my face muscles that was almost overridden by the searing ache in my right shoulder that begged for attention, for warm strong hands to knead out the kinks and knots and to just comfort. We got to Jazzmens. It was closed. Not just closed, but closed for renovations. This isn't my day. I have a choice of Mikuni's or Old Spag, and I choose Mikuni's, so we try to find it in Sacramento. No luck. So we go to Cheesecake Factory instead. I didn't have the stomach for the Cheesecake Factory. I felt like throwing up, but they knew I normally loved the place, so I smiled and was grateful and tried to eat as much as possible. It didn't work very well. We went to Barnes and Nobel afterwards for a little while adn they let me finsh reading my Prince of Tennis manga. Then we went home and I passed out and tried not to let my last waking thoughts be angsty and lonely and depressing, because I really had no reason to feel alone with people like my friends, my sister, my cousin, and even my brother, who I don't get to see anywhere near as often as I'd like. I miss him sometimes. A lot of the time.
And so everyone but me has someone else now. It's a bit depressing, but at the same time, I love atching the couples together. The interaction is so interesting, like watching Raye and David dote on each otehr, or John and Natalie be adorable, or U-chan and Xell finally find someone they can be confortable and happy with. It warms me, but I still feel a little cold. Room temperature. Thawed icecubes. Like at the LAN. Tazer and Nikole's teasing, and Brian and whoever his beau is, and Trent and the Cookie Jenna, and Cris and Andrew, and for a while at a time I get these incredibly strong impulses to ask someone out, always the same person, but it just wouldn't be fair. Sometimes I amaze myself with how much of an idiot I can be when I make up excuses for being a wimp, and then believe them even though I know they're not true.
I feel too emotional right now. I finished the Portrait fo Dorian Gray today. I love Dorian Gray. The story is exquisite and the language and culture references are so vivid and eloquent I want to delve into the words and drown myself in them. Did I ever mention that whoever Ms. Schlaman chooses to match wits with for life is going to be a very lucky person? Too bad I'm twenty years late and the wrong gender. That wit of hers transfixes me, I could listen to her stories and comments and interpretations for day and be so transfixed I wouldn't have to sleep at all.
I keep wanting to cry when I read emotional shit. Must eb those damn mood swings. Whatever. At least it's only temporary.
Saturday was the LAN. Kaitlen's house was perfect, and after feeling useless at my Mural Art class because my art sucks compared to everyone else in the class, I left early around noon, waited half an hour for my mom so we could leave, and then had my wonderful cousin drop me and my computer off at Kaitlen's house. I got there around 1:30-ish, and everyone was already gaming or socializing and the LAN was in full swing. Even Kaitlen was gaming! :: gasp :: April had to leave early, but I was glad she came at all, her mom is nuts, I think it's nice that she sneaked out to come hang out. She's probably got more guts than I do in things like that; I'm too afraid of being caught to actually sneak out of the house without my parents knowing. Mandakins brought Jesse with her, a surprisingly interesting guy from one of her Sierra College classes. He would have been cuter had he relented to pose for the fangirls. And then gave me pictures. But anyways. Watched Please Teach me English, funny as hell, and then gave some freshman the highlight of his little freshman week by watching fanservice-y Mahoromatic episode about hiding porn. Kicked everyone out by 9 except Mandakins, who left soon after, Trent, Tazer, Dave, who also left, Brian, and Michael. Kaitlen wouldn't let us help clean, her dog wouldn't shut up, and Brian's box is way to fscking bright at night. I ended up sleeping on the stairs for most of the night. Poor Brian, I stole his blanket. :/
Morning-time.
"Get up! WAFFLES!!!!"
:: snicker :: Trent and Mike probably hated me by the time I finally shut up. X3 We went to the Waffle Barn, then I went home, stowed my computer and shit, and me and Julia and Paul went to Doug's house where he took over driving and we headed to SF J-town. Ate at that ramen shop again, Suzu's, and I got the good ramen this time. Walked around J-town, I bought lots of books, went to some weird place across the Golden Gate Bridge with tunnels and crap from some world war, and then went back to Doug's place. I slept a lot, and we didn't get to go to the Korean Barbeque place for dinner because it was in J-town and Doug was all... Doug-ish and huffy and still liking Julia but not paying attention to anything we say. ;_;
So we leave Doug bitching about his siter some more at his house, and I'm all bleary from just waking up and stumble into Paul's car. I look out from the backseat and there's this gorgeous bright vibrant ranbow as it starts to drizzle lightly. I mean, this thing is BRIGHT. The red is a gorgeous magenta-cadmium, and to top it off, the rainbow is a fucking DOUBLE ARCH. Two! I couldn't believe it, it was the first time I'd ever seen such a thing. It started drizzling a bit harder, and the drab greys permeating my vision made the rainbow glow all the brighter against my eyes. As we drove, my sister pointed out that you could see the whole thing. All of it. From ground to ground, one great big beautiful unbroken arc. The second arc was fainter, a glimmering that can only be made out in two areas if you look hard.
I say, to no one in particular, but maybe vaugely to my cousin, that "the only bad thing about rainbows is that people standing at the end of one never realize it." He says that it's impossible, and I tell him I know, but from a person's vantage point who is looking at one, there is always someone at the end of the rainbow. I thought to myself, "How many times have you been at the end of a rainbow? What were you doing, saying, feeling, thinking, when you happened to be at the end of a rainbow?" The first rain of the year, the very first we've seen and the first time it's been cool and cloudy and overcast instead of glaringly hot and sweaty and scorching.
Rainbows are melancholy.
So there I sat, the three of us in Paul's beat up Mercedes driving through the rain, watching the vibrant rainbow's second arc disappear, and then the main one begin to dull and all too rapidly fade into the coulds and the grey-orange of the setting sun and clouds. The three of us, all bachelors, and me wondering if I've ever been at the end of a rainbow before. If I'd ever had someone special on the other end of that rainbow. If he hadn't ever been o nt he end of that rainbow, that bridge to me. Maybe that's why it was so brief.
I'd never been so introspective in a non-solitary place before.
If I'd been alone I might have cried.
We drove on through the rain, which eventually stopped. They were indulging my wish, that plea of mine, the desire I've had to go to a restaurant with live jazz, and were taking me to Jazzmens in Sacramento for dinner. After my contemplation and gloom, the thoughtfulness of indulging me such brought a smile that I couldnt' stop to my cheeks. It was there, I could feel the slight tug on my face muscles that was almost overridden by the searing ache in my right shoulder that begged for attention, for warm strong hands to knead out the kinks and knots and to just comfort. We got to Jazzmens. It was closed. Not just closed, but closed for renovations. This isn't my day. I have a choice of Mikuni's or Old Spag, and I choose Mikuni's, so we try to find it in Sacramento. No luck. So we go to Cheesecake Factory instead. I didn't have the stomach for the Cheesecake Factory. I felt like throwing up, but they knew I normally loved the place, so I smiled and was grateful and tried to eat as much as possible. It didn't work very well. We went to Barnes and Nobel afterwards for a little while adn they let me finsh reading my Prince of Tennis manga. Then we went home and I passed out and tried not to let my last waking thoughts be angsty and lonely and depressing, because I really had no reason to feel alone with people like my friends, my sister, my cousin, and even my brother, who I don't get to see anywhere near as often as I'd like. I miss him sometimes. A lot of the time.
And so everyone but me has someone else now. It's a bit depressing, but at the same time, I love atching the couples together. The interaction is so interesting, like watching Raye and David dote on each otehr, or John and Natalie be adorable, or U-chan and Xell finally find someone they can be confortable and happy with. It warms me, but I still feel a little cold. Room temperature. Thawed icecubes. Like at the LAN. Tazer and Nikole's teasing, and Brian and whoever his beau is, and Trent and the Cookie Jenna, and Cris and Andrew, and for a while at a time I get these incredibly strong impulses to ask someone out, always the same person, but it just wouldn't be fair. Sometimes I amaze myself with how much of an idiot I can be when I make up excuses for being a wimp, and then believe them even though I know they're not true.
I feel too emotional right now. I finished the Portrait fo Dorian Gray today. I love Dorian Gray. The story is exquisite and the language and culture references are so vivid and eloquent I want to delve into the words and drown myself in them. Did I ever mention that whoever Ms. Schlaman chooses to match wits with for life is going to be a very lucky person? Too bad I'm twenty years late and the wrong gender. That wit of hers transfixes me, I could listen to her stories and comments and interpretations for day and be so transfixed I wouldn't have to sleep at all.
I keep wanting to cry when I read emotional shit. Must eb those damn mood swings. Whatever. At least it's only temporary.
9.04.2004
Congratulations! You're 100% YAOI Hentai!
How much of a YAOI Hentai are you?
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Since they wouldn't leave me alone about it...
There. First is me and the gorgeous and amazingly talented Higuri You~ <3 Second is me testing out one of those mondo beanbag things in the dealer's room, and third is me and three of the guys from Camino ( I got this picture signed, and Kiku wrote "I.LOVE.YOU" on it! *^^* ). All of them are from Fanime 2004.
There. First is me and the gorgeous and amazingly talented Higuri You~ <3 Second is me testing out one of those mondo beanbag things in the dealer's room, and third is me and three of the guys from Camino ( I got this picture signed, and Kiku wrote "I.LOVE.YOU" on it! *^^* ). All of them are from Fanime 2004.
